ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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