Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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