Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
