My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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