When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
