I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
