Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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