I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
where am i from again
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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