I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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