I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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