guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Enjoy the penises
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
