i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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