can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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