Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
