The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
