i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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