nut hugger
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
