btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
