In the future we'll all be gay
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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