I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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