i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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