i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would fuck him just for his dog
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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