this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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