hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
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