I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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