Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
