It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
