My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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