im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
