i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
