By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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