Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
