There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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