she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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