I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
