he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
