I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
