They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
