I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
