Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
