Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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