Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You ruined the universe
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