Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
