K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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