Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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