it wasn't lemon gatorade
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
