I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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