Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
