The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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