it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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