I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
