you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
