There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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