i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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