the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
