Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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