I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
