Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
