...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
