I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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