I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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