Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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