90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
