youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
