yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?