Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine