Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.