i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?