Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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