New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
