Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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