Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
