I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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