i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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