I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
