Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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